I was catching a friend up on how I’ve been spending my time recently since stepping out of full time ministry. Besides traveling the world, relaxing at exotic resorts and getting daily massages on the beach, I explained that I’ve been catching up on a whole lot of lost time with God right in the quiet of my own little Nashville home.
Although I spent the best hours of my days working in a phenomenal church for the last 16 months, my relationship with God actually felt like it was on life support. I knew He was asking me to take some time in this next season to really examine what happened to cause this, do a major heart check, and get back into spiritual working condition.
Have you ever gone through a season in life where you poured everything you had into something that just wasn’t turning out the way you though it would? I think it’s safe to say most of us have. In fact, you should read this book if you’re looking for clarity and guidance in this area, or know someone who is.
Whether it’s a job or a relationship or kids or a family issue, ever so slowly your own personal walk with God slips to 3rd or 4th place and your very identity becomes like a faded photo. One day you look in the mirror and can’t even recognize your own reflection or recall who you once were.
Regrettably, in the last year and a half, more often than I care to admit, I was like a hamster in a wheel running myself ragged and never getting anywhere. Through no one’s fault but my own I was in a position that was stifling my creativity and expecting things of me that I just wasn’t designed for. All along I allowed myself to be drawn into the thought that,
“this isn’t brain surgery, just keep trying harder. You have to do this. You need to love this. You have to live up to everyone’s expectations and get this right.”
At the end of the day, whenever we try to be something we’re not, we just end up cheating ourselves and the world of something very special.
There will never be another you, so recover who you are and then be the best YOU you can be. I’ve learned it doesn’t do anyone any good to try and be the best someone else you can be.
I’m so thankful for amazing friends who surround me with love and support and who are there for me no matter what. There’s always a reason for the season’s we go through and I do not in any way consider a single moment of the last 16 months to be a waste. I learned more than I ever have about people, about God, about myself, and about love. I’m a better person having come through this experience.
I hope if you can relate to any of this, you will do two things:
- Remember that this too shall pass and give yourself forgiveness today. Forgiveness for whatever it is you’ve been holding onto, thinking you don’t deserve to be happy because you screwed things up so badly. You don’t need to make yourself suffer for something Jesus already died to free you from. If God doesn’t expect perfection of us, who are we to set a higher expectation of ourselves than God? Let it go and move forward into the abundant life He has for you.